Finger on the Pulse

Holy Smokes,
W+K want someone to watch a ton of NBA basketball and delve deep into the culture of Nike Basketball. Clearly, only a very narrow swath of people would be interested in this. As I am sure you have received nary a dozen (!) contacts about this post -- oh Craigslist: patron saint of lazy pimps -- I’d propose to you that your search has now found, after the twists and turns and the darkest introspective moments of despair, at this late hour when all was lost but LO! a candidate emerges.

Ingratiate yourself to culture-leaders in the larger community of Ballers and Scrappers and Fantasy Freaks? Love to: Rasheed was Right. Be prepared to present analytical rationale for ideas? I’ve already got the working title: Ontological Hoops: LeBron is the Greatest, Because the Greatness Defines LeBron. Or: The Impact of the Post-Literate Meritocracy on Slamma-Jamma Culture: Steve Van Gundy Makes it Rain. Be a social media addict? What’s that? I was updating my v-blog (I know, so ‘08, but I want to keep my place in the Arcane) about the Twitpics of me and my iPad at the Lady Gaga Flash-Mob Wars... [ ... ] [ ... ] lolz? Oh, and this person is the only person who has truly utilized the internet’s vast potential. In fact, I think she might BE the internet. Is internet capitalized? Oh and responsibility take-on-itude and objective super-exceedery? Spot on.

You ask for a number of things. First, I will not provide links. My personal, artistic, unspell-checked expressions are none of your business, that’s why I place them on the internet in the first place: duh! Good luck Googling my oh-so-common name.

Resume: BFA Creative Writing, Minor Photography [redacted]. In addition to deconstructing Kierkegaard and endlessly emulating Denis Johnson, I’ve labored and served and I know the difference between the two. The rest is boilerplate (18-35? That’s me). Isn’t there an online HR approved personality test I can take? Maybe a blood test for years of experience? One last thing: I need Monday and Wednesday afternoons off, because I play basketball in the park. Otherwise, no dice.

All the best and I totally expect the hear from you!

[redacted]

P.S. I hope you’ve laughed, if you’ve read this at all.

God Machine/Machete Fair

God exists for the purpose of
confirming platitudes:
Go forth
Eat shit
Die

It is long wrong It is wrong gone
but it must exist, because
without existence one defies
the definition of himself.

As for me,
If I could have a vote,
(a popular conceit)
[as is the it and]
I would prefer to exist perfectly
outside existence.
Or to have
overwhelming chance play out.

Perhaps, he volunteered
to turn the Dr.’s dial.
Whereas I was recruited.

Existential: Barf