Fast and Danger

News On The Skids

29.11.10

Palin - Do "Something" about Wikileaks



Duck, You Sucker

The Web-Nets, USA – After an anguishing delay of hours Sarah Palin has finally weighed in on the recent online release of classified memos obtained by the Wikileaks organization. In a statement released on her Facebook page Ms. Palin said of the numerous sensitive documents released by the online activist group, that the incident “raises serious questions about the Obama administration’s incompetent handling of this whole fiasco.” She does not mean to imply that there is a cause for the administration’s incompetence to be questioned, meaning that the administration is in fact competent. On the contrary, she continued wondering aloud, seductively twirling her ruby locks around a finger, why the President has not yet assassinated Wikileaks co founder, and public figurehead, Julian Assange. The President should at least use “cyber tools” to silence him and his organization, Ms. Palin said. Her own private email was hacked in 2008 by a college student with information obtained via a casual Google search. That she had an email account at all makes her something of an expert among her Fox News audience.
Palin declared Mr. Assange an enemy of the state, saying he has blood on his hands, and urged that he be hunted down and “treated” like a member of Al Qaeda or the Taliban. “We are at war,” Ms. Palin concluded, “Which means we can do whatever we dang well please.”
To many the comments seemed politically calculated and disingenuous. A person with detailed knowledge of the operation of government, who would not go on record disparaging Ms. Palin, a division of NewsCorp, said Ms. Palin has missed the real dilemma. “In an age where almost no communication can be considered truly ‘secure’ the real question is about how governments will conduct their business in the future. Many suggest that officials, knowing that any comment can be made public almost immediately as it happens, may need to be more cautious of how they conduct business on behalf of the people they represent.” The source went on to say that Ms. Palin herself could be accused of attempting to benefit from the actions of Mr. Assange, “The idea that this information is being made public specifically to aid Americas enemies is faulty. The information is just information – how individuals and groups use information, and what that means, that is the real question.”
Palin’s supporters had a much different opinion. TiFFyYorkie57, a blogger pointed out that the statement was the most nuanced and concise policy position yet voiced by the former Governor. “You tell ‘em Sarah!!! Wake up America!@<:! This Asang [sic] fella’s got to get his you-know-what out of you-know-who’s you-know-what.”
TiFFyYorkie57
The debate will likely rage on for several days, as news agencies and partisans sift the leaked documents for useful information. As for Mr. Assange, the uppity aussie dandy claims to have in his possession documents that will prove that a major US Bank has acted unethically. Wikileaks plans on releasing their report in January, continuing their nearly two year mission to shed light on shit you already knew.
--
In related news, PFC Bradley Manning, the Army intelligence analyst and source for the Wikileaks documents is totally fucked. Luckily for him Sarah Palin was flippant, mentioning only his youth, low rank and surprisingly she did not call for his immediate execution, though plenty of people are. Here are a few people who aren't. Apparently they forgot the story of John Adams defending the British Soldiers charged with perpetrating the Boston Massacre, "The Redcoats? Those assholes don't deserve legal defense, let alone due process. Buggar them, buggar them in their asses," said the future President.
 --
UPDATE:  Bill O'Reilly, apparently feeling the pressure to be less "Pre-Obama-Level Crazy," has endorsed Palin's reaction to the Wikileaks "fiasco," though the uber-pundit was less delicate in his wording than the habitually circumspect Palin.   

9.8.10

Finger on the Pulse

Holy Smokes,
W+K want someone to watch a ton of NBA basketball and delve deep into the culture of Nike Basketball. Clearly, only a very narrow swath of people would be interested in this. As I am sure you have received nary a dozen (!) contacts about this post -- oh Craigslist: patron saint of lazy pimps -- I’d propose to you that your search has now found, after the twists and turns and the darkest introspective moments of despair, at this late hour when all was lost but LO! a candidate emerges.

Ingratiate yourself to culture-leaders in the larger community of Ballers and Scrappers and Fantasy Freaks? Love to: Rasheed was Right. Be prepared to present analytical rationale for ideas? I’ve already got the working title: Ontological Hoops: LeBron is the Greatest, Because the Greatness Defines LeBron. Or: The Impact of the Post-Literate Meritocracy on Slamma-Jamma Culture: Steve Van Gundy Makes it Rain. Be a social media addict? What’s that? I was updating my v-blog (I know, so ‘08, but I want to keep my place in the Arcane) about the Twitpics of me and my iPad at the Lady Gaga Flash-Mob Wars... [ ... ] [ ... ] lolz? Oh, and this person is the only person who has truly utilized the internet’s vast potential. In fact, I think she might BE the internet. Is internet capitalized? Oh and responsibility take-on-itude and objective super-exceedery? Spot on.

You ask for a number of things. First, I will not provide links. My personal, artistic, unspell-checked expressions are none of your business, that’s why I place them on the internet in the first place: duh! Good luck Googling my oh-so-common name.

Resume: BFA Creative Writing, Minor Photography [redacted]. In addition to deconstructing Kierkegaard and endlessly emulating Denis Johnson, I’ve labored and served and I know the difference between the two. The rest is boilerplate (18-35? That’s me). Isn’t there an online HR approved personality test I can take? Maybe a blood test for years of experience? One last thing: I need Monday and Wednesday afternoons off, because I play basketball in the park. Otherwise, no dice.

All the best and I totally expect the hear from you!

[redacted]

P.S. I hope you’ve laughed, if you’ve read this at all.

God Machine/Machete Fair

God exists for the purpose of
confirming platitudes:
Go forth
Eat shit
Die

It is long wrong It is wrong gone
but it must exist, because
without existence one defies
the definition of himself.

As for me,
If I could have a vote,
(a popular conceit)
[as is the it and]
I would prefer to exist perfectly
outside existence.
Or to have
overwhelming chance play out.

Perhaps, he volunteered
to turn the Dr.’s dial.
Whereas I was recruited.

Existential: Barf

2.4.10

Coffee Shop-iotics

-Its like, about finding true meaning, not nihilism. Existentialism is like the total opposite of that, Jeeze!

-I'm reading Updike, you know Updike? He wrote this series of books called Rabbit Run [sic-k], its like I read a sentence and I'm like, that's you dude, that's you. You could take that sentence and put it in any book ever, and I'd know, that's you dude.

-Do you stretch? Oh.

-We bonded, you know. No one else in our lives for six months, and it was so amazing.

-I try incorporate all of these new things, like.

-Have you read that one where the guy wakes up as a bug?
-I read like 30 pages of it. I'm reading The Stranger, though. [ed- that totally counts]

-Is that game with the four boxes called Four Square?

-I don't eat animal products.

-I need to get a ten speed, my legs are killing me.

-It's like a western. Guy Peirce is in it. This song is in it. I haven't seen it.

-It tries to be like a social commentary, but its just so over the head [top]. Its like trying to be like District 9.

-Cask conditioned beer is like, sharper. Right?

29.3.10

She once was

-Its like there's something there, in the way.

-As if, you mean?
Can you see it?

-No.

-Can you smell it, feel it?

-No.

-Interesting.

-No.
I've just got this sense 's all.

-We've all got our problems.

is a rocky beach a beach at all?

Travels by Train beats
sailing at sea.
And we own the the ocean, a hundred miles out.
Was it
was worth it.
Roiled O'er 'er
O! (half-stop) stopped.

Bacon will spoil
when left
sitting in the sink.
You can think with certain,
say, alternating currents.

To me,
every dog looks the same.
Vote YES!
to Nullifictation. Sorry,
I've forgetting irony, sentiment escaping.

30.1.10

Ten Step Program

1.
We brewed this on January 8th; since we’d been brewing a lot of strong dark beers lately, and the temperature was probably going to stay low enough, we decided to brew a lager. There are really two types of beer, Ale and Lager. This difference is essentially a difference in yeast, though as a result you make changes to a recipe because yeasts each have different flavor profiles. Ales as definition ferment at a higher temperature and the turnaround from brewing to drinking can be as little as a few weeks. They are also top fermenting. Lager, from “to store” in German, is a bottom fermenting yeast, which typically ferments at a much lower temperature (frost-brewed, like in the Coors Train ads). As the name suggests a Lager needs at least a month and typically longer before you can think about drinking it.
Your Bud, Miller, PBR etc. are all some variation on a Bavarian or Bohemian Lager. I don’t have a fridge that I can put my fermentation vessel in, so this type of Lager is out, as are most German style Lagers that are more interesting beers. You probably know of Anchor Steam, which is also a Lager. The thing about Anchor Steam is that its yeast ferments at higher temperature than most Lagers, essentially just a little below the temp range for Ales. The “steam” part is historically anachronistic marketing. Beer nerds refer to the style as California Common, or San Francisco Lager. You can brew this type of Lager in a garage or outside during winter. If you happen to have a root-cellar, that would work also. We’d like to keep our beer around 55*F, but I’ve heard you can do a steam beer at like 65*. The thing with all beer is to keep the temperature from fluctuating very much while it’s fermenting actively. It’s a little out of our control, but fingers crossed for consistent weather.
Recently we’ve been fooling around with doing Partial-Mashes. This might make more sense after you see the process, but there are two ways of making homebrew: 1. You can use a pre-made malt extract (powder or liquid), which is basically a base-malt that is made into wort and then atomized into powder or boiled down into a less than 20% water syrup. 2. You brew All-Grain, purchasing your grains whole and then “mashing” it to extract the sugars. Without getting into the detailed chemistry that I don’t really understand, this is like making a big batch of grain-tea. Partial-mashing is combining elements of both processes. You can do this because of limited space, time, material, money etc. It’s worked pretty well thus far, and as ad hoc as we do it, we get a little more efficient each time.
We’d been talking about doing a steam beer for a while before it would be cold enough outside, so when we finally decided it was time I just looked at a couple of mocked up recipes we had toyed with. I picked one and went with it, although I have to say I’m not sure exactly what I was going for originally. Hopefully I looked into it enough back then. There is a vast amount of recipes and info on “cloning” specific beers online as well as calculators and recipe builders, both for purchase and for free. I use Tastybrew.com, because it’s free. Anyway, this is what ours looks like:
Fermentables:
Single Infusion Partial Mash
[2# American Pale Two-row Malt
1# American Dark Munich Malt
.5# Belgian Aromatic Malt
.5# Belgian Biscuit Malt]
3# Amber Dry Malt Extract
2# Corn Sugar
.5# Molasses

Hops:
1.5 oz Amarillo @ 8.5%Alpha Acid for 60 Minutes
.5 oz Cascade @ 6.6% AA for 30 min.
.5 oz Northern Brewer @ 7.8% AA for 5 minutes

Yeast: WLP810 – San Francisco Lager





2.
So for the Partial-Mash there are a few things you have to keep in mind. First, the amount of grain you can use is limited to the amount of water you can heat. The typical ratio is 2 pounds of grain for every 1 gallon of water. Second, there are some grains that lack a certain protein necessary to convert their starches into sugars (this is referred to as a malt’s Diastatic Power, and is derived largely from the way in which the grain was malted, roasted and/or kilned). In this case, both the Belgian malts are of this low diastatic power variety. In order to extract sugars from these grains you need to combine them with malt that has enough diastatic power to compensate. These malts are your base malts, usually either two- or six-row barley. The two- or six- references the number of hulls on the stalk. Every beer used to be six-row but two-row is currently in favor and is supposed to have a less grainy mouth-feel and more delicate flavor. Drinkability, I guess.
For this I am using 2.5 gallons of water and 4 lbs of grain, with another gallon of water to be used later. This is about the limit of what my kettle will hold and I expect to lose half a gallon in the process. There is a lot of science about water Ph and mineral levels, but as far as we’re concerned there are two big rules for homebrew water: if it tastes bad to begin with don’t brew with it, and you cant use distilled water. Anything in between will work. We use five gallons of bulk filtered water from the grocery store.
Heat the 2.5 gallons of water to 175*F. When the grain is added this will drop the temp to around 155* which is a pretty average mashing temp. Heat the grain too much or too little and you can end up with a sour or spicy beer, which is actually desirable for some types of Ale, but the spicy or fruity flavors that result will be less integrated/masked in a Lager. There is a whole science to this, but given our resources worrying too much about it is overkill.
Once the temp hits 175 we kill the heat and add the grains inside a fine mesh nylon bag. This is unique to partial-mashing and will lower the attenuation. In All Grain you would want to stir the grain thoroughly and in the lautering process (later) you use the grain bed as a filter, extracting every last bit of sugar you can. Also, you would really want to add the water to the grain, but we don’t have an insulated vessel to use as a Mash Tun.
Once the grain is stirred in, cover and leave it off the heat for an hour.


3.
Now we’ve got our hot wort ready to go. Over the last hour the hot water has done its thing and a whole bunch of proteins have broken down to their component parts. At this point we want to run a bunch of the wort back over the grain bed. Ideally this will get the smallest particles of grain that got through the nylon bag to sit on the top of the grain, while soaking out some extra sugars. I say Ideally because it doesn’t work so well in this set up, but it’s better than nothing.















We are using a bottling bucket for this, and running it back into the kettle. This is pretty ugly, and requires one of us to hold four pounds of soaking grain elevated over the mouth of the bucket for a good twenty minutes while the other gently pours very hot wort over the top a few ounces at a time. I did this solo once, and it was a total mess.
Now that we’ve run the wort back over the grain we are going to use that gallon of water we had reserved. This water is at 175 degrees, so it’s hotter than the wort. We run this over the grain a cup or two at a time, again, to get as much of
the sugars as possible. After this you can biff the grains. I’ve heard you can make a decent bread, or flushable kitty litter out of it.















4.
We now have about 3 gallons of wort back in the kettle and heating up. The extra half-gallon of water has been soaked up by the grain or evaporated. As we heat the water we add 3 pounds of Dry Malt Extract. This is a total bitch to dissolve, but it stores better than the liquid alternative and freshness is important.


5.
Once we hit a boil it’s T=60. When you look at Dogfish Head’s IPA’s they are named 60, 90 and 120 minute respectively. This is pretty clever because it references a number of things (amount of hop flavor or IBUs, and alcohol content) but most directly the length of the boil. Boil length has an effect on the protein characteristics of the beer, and will affect flavor and alcohol (in that the more you boil the more water evaporates, strengthening the solution). Because we use a lot of pre-made malt, boiling for more than 60 minutes has little point.




6.
This is our first addition of hops.

You can use pellet hops, which are condensed leaf hops, but half the fun is sticking your face in some fresh cones. The oils on the hop leaf are where the flavor comes from and the utilization of the oil varies based on how long it is boiled. After just a few minutes most of the oil is gone. It seems counter intuitive then to boil them for a long time but there are three basic types of hop additions: Bittering, Flavoring and Aromatic. The longer you boil the hops the more they add to the underlying bitter flavor, so often you will use the hop with the highest Alpha Acid rating as your bittering, or full boil hops. We will do three additions, the first at 60 minutes for bittering, the second at 30 minutes left in the boil for flavoring, and the third a few minuets before we take it off the heat, or at knockout. These last hops will have the most oils left and add most of the bouquet. You can also add hops directly to the fermentation vessel for even more upfront hop character. That is called Dry Hopping, and it kicks ass.

There is actually a ton of things you can do to change how hops taste in the beer, and there are some pretty cool devices like Torpedoes, Randalls and continuous hopping devices.


7.
At a certain point in the boil some remaining proteins will begin to break down. The beer takes on a miso soup look, with bits of matter floating around. This is a good thing and is called a Hot Break. You want some proteins left in the beer because they add to mouthfeel, body and head retention, but too many of the wrong kind will effect how the yeast works and can cause some problems.


With about 15 minutes left in the boil we add the 2# of Corn Sugar and a half-pound of molasses. The Molasses is between 50 and 70% fermentable, but could be as high as 90%. Its important when using added things like molasses or maple syrup that you buy products that don’t use preservatives, because they’ll effect fermentation. The hope here is that molasses will give a little rum or tawny flavor (I guess that’s what I was thinking?). The corn sugar, is 100% fermentable and will bump the alcohol level a bit and help dry the beer out a little.












8.
This is a wort chiller. You run cold tap water through the copper tubing to lower the temperature of the beer. You want to do this as quickly as you can, but if you have snow you can just dunk it in the snow or a sink full of ice.
During the cooling process we take a little time to sanitize some of our equipment. Nothing has to be sanitized that goes into or near the beer before and during the boil; but once it is cool you want to be pretty thorough about cleaning and sanitizing everything. I dunk my arms, surgeon style to the elbow into a sanitizer solution. For some reason, hops when added at this point wont spoil a beer, and dry hoping hops do not have to be sanitized.

9.
We’ve cooled the wort down to about 75*. There is a fair amount of grain husk and hop debris in the wort, so we use a fine strainer and pass the wort between a bucket and the kettle. You want to do this a couple of times, getting it to splash around a good deal. When you add the yeast they initially need oxygen to get started converting sugars to alcohol, so aeration is crucial to good fermentation.
We could only boil 3 gallons in our pot, so when we did the calculations we assumed that we would be topping this up with another two gallons of water. Once we put all of this in the glass Carboy we stir it up really good and stick a wine thief in to take a sample. We use the sample to take a temperature reading and use a hydrometer to get a initial gravity reading. You might remember hydrometers from high school, but they measure the density of a liquid in respect to the force it exerts counter to that of the force of gravity. With beer it is a measure of the sugar content of the water. You can use this to determine the potential alcohol content of your beer after fermentation. The way you do this is by assuming an attenuation rate for your fermentation. Typically this is about 1/4 of the original gravity. So if you have an original gravity reading of 1.040 you will probably end up around 1.010. You then take the original gravity reading less the final gravity reading and multiply that number by 131. Gravity readings are dependant on temperature, so you can be more specific in your calculations.
You should also taste it.




10.
Add the Yeast.
If you are making a strong beer, say over 1.080 gravity units or 7+% alcohol you should make a starter for your yeast, which is basically just a little bit of the same kind of beer you are going to make more of later. You make a gallon, let it ferment for a day or two or three and then pop it in the fridge for a day. This will cause the yeast to drop out of solution and you can pour off the beer and just add that yeast right to the full batch. Or, if you’re lazy or bad at planning you can just use two vials of pitchable yeast, like this one.
Give the yeast a good stir and pop on an airlock (in this case a tube that ends in a jar of sanitized water. In a less than a day or two there will be noticeable activity in the carboy, marked by a whipped eggwhite-like Krausen and the airlock will be bubbling away indicating that the yeast are producing a lot of CO2 and alcohol.
Now it’s a lot of waiting. For this beer we will let it sit in the garage for two weeks, then take it inside for a day or so and pausing fermentation with the temperature shift. We will then use a siphon and transfer the beer to a new carboy, finally placing that back in the garage for two or three weeks, until we get down to our desired final gravity.
For our Steam Beer our Original Gravity was 1.062, which was a little shy of the 1.065 we were looking for but not too bad considering our methods. This should be around 1.015 when we put it into bottles a month from now giving us a 6%ABV dark amber lager.

2.12.09

You're not a vegan yet?
Fix gear juno brat,
Ain't it hard to discover that
You'r not really where its at?

30.11.09

You're pretty when you smile,
but your neutral face
is a terrible waste.
--

17.11.09

Kids and Golf

In the backyard we had a net set up for my dad to practice his golf swing. It looked like a miniature backstop attached to a length of astro-turf. An auxiliary net was hung loose from the back of the apparatus, with a box indicating where a good drive should be located in space five feet after impact.
My dad had taken an old set of clubs and shortened them down to miniature size, so I could go duff around with him and mom on the occasional weekend afternoon. I liked golf, but I really liked the contraption in the back yard best.
The neighbor kid and I would spend a number of unsupervised hours practicing drives. As will happen, we took the activity to its logical conclusion – aiming at one another. We would take turns, positioning ourselves between the target net, and the back of the cage and deftly dodging golf balls that struck the target and fell harmlessly to the ground.
Hours we spend doing this. Breathlessly taunting one another, probably squeeling in that way little kids do when they are certain they are doing something unusual, dangerous and awesome.
The game came to an end when I hit him in the forehead. It was probably the best contact I’ve ever made with a golf ball and the ease and beauty of my swing must have stunned him because he didn’t dodge. He stood there frozen, even for a time after the ball struck him between the eyes, hands extended to his sides palms forward.
It was a hollow sound, like tapping a fresh mellon at the grocery store. The welt came up immediately dashing my hopes of playing it off. I still think he could have gotten out of the way.