Palin - Do "Something" about Wikileaks

Duck, You Sucker

The Web-Nets, USA – After an anguishing delay of hours Sarah Palin has finally weighed in on the recent online release of classified memos obtained by the Wikileaks organization. In a statement released on her Facebook page Ms. Palin said of the numerous sensitive documents released by the online activist group, that the incident “raises serious questions about the Obama administration’s incompetent handling of this whole fiasco.” She does not mean to imply that there is a cause for the administration’s incompetence to be questioned, meaning that the administration is in fact competent. On the contrary, she continued wondering aloud, seductively twirling her ruby locks around a finger, why the President has not yet assassinated Wikileaks co founder, and public figurehead, Julian Assange. The President should at least use “cyber tools” to silence him and his organization, Ms. Palin said. Her own private email was hacked in 2008 by a college student with information obtained via a casual Google search. That she had an email account at all makes her something of an expert among her Fox News audience.

Palin declared Mr. Assange an enemy of the state, saying he has blood on his hands, and urged that he be hunted down and “treated” like a member of Al Qaeda or the Taliban. “We are at war,” Ms. Palin concluded, “Which means we can do whatever we dang well please.”

To many the comments seemed politically calculated and disingenuous. A person with detailed knowledge of the operation of government, who would not go on record disparaging Ms. Palin, a division of NewsCorp, said Ms. Palin has missed the real dilemma. “In an age where almost no communication can be considered truly ‘secure’ the real question is about how governments will conduct their business in the future. Many suggest that officials, knowing that any comment can be made public almost immediately as it happens, may need to be more cautious of how they conduct business on behalf of the people they represent.” The source went on to say that Ms. Palin herself could be accused of attempting to benefit from the actions of Mr. Assange, “The idea that this information is being made public specifically to aid Americas enemies is faulty. The information is just information – how individuals and groups use information, and what that means, that is the real question.”

Palin’s supporters had a much different opinion. TiFFyYorkie57, a blogger pointed out that the statement was the most nuanced and concise policy position yet voiced by the former Governor. “You tell ‘em Sarah!!! Wake up America!@<:! This Asang [sic] fella’s got to get his you-know-what out of you-know-who’s you-know-what.”

TiFFyYorkie57

The debate will likely rage on for several days, as news agencies and partisans sift the leaked documents for useful information. As for Mr. Assange, the uppity aussie dandy claims to have in his possession documents that will prove that a major US Bank has acted unethically. Wikileaks plans on releasing their report in January, continuing their nearly two year mission to shed light on shit you already knew.

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In related news, PFC Bradley Manning, the Army intelligence analyst and source for the Wikileaks documents is totally fucked. Luckily for him Sarah Palin was flippant, mentioning only his youth, low rank and surprisingly she did not call for his immediate execution, though plenty of people are. Here are a few people who aren't. Apparently they forgot the story of John Adams defending the British Soldiers charged with perpetrating the Boston Massacre, "The Redcoats? Those assholes don't deserve legal defense, let alone due process. Buggar them, buggar them in their asses," said the future President.

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UPDATE:  Bill O'Reilly, apparently feeling the pressure to be less "Pre-Obama-Level Crazy," has endorsed Palin's reaction to the Wikileaks "fiasco," though the uber-pundit was less delicate in his wording than the habitually circumspect Palin.